My Girl Problems

A place to talk about serious "real life" stuff without having to place it in between a demand by Blankie for food and Logue's latest almost-pr0n thread.
Phox
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Phox » Wed Jan 21, 2009 4:13 am

TheIrishPatriot wrote:But, anyways, here, whenever one of my friends likes a chick that's going out with somebody else, I usually just tell them to be a good friend to them, be there when the girl needs a friend, etc.
This is horrible advice for several reasons, no matter what the desired outcome is. And that's completely disregarding any jealousy the boyfriend might accumulate towards your friend. Basically, you're advising your friend to completely remove himself from any chance of getting the girl if/when she breaks up with her boyfriend, but also effectively having him shoot himself in the foot. If he gets to be friends with her, chances are, she won't consider dating him because she would see him as a friend, not a possible love interest. But if he's close to her often, in terms of being a friend, it makes it that much more difficult to get over her. So seriously... don't try to become close friends with girls you're interested in, while you're interested in them. That's a road that almost always (I suppose there are a few, rare exceptions) leads to disaster, whether you want to date her, or just get over her.

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TheDeathstalker
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by TheDeathstalker » Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:01 am

Phox wrote:This is horrible advice for several reasons, no matter what the desired outcome is. And that's completely disregarding any jealousy the boyfriend might accumulate towards your friend. Basically, you're advising your friend to completely remove himself from any chance of getting the girl if/when she breaks up with her boyfriend, but also effectively having him shoot himself in the foot. If he gets to be friends with her, chances are, she won't consider dating him because she would see him as a friend, not a possible love interest. But if he's close to her often, in terms of being a friend, it makes it that much more difficult to get over her. So seriously... don't try to become close friends with girls you're interested in, while you're interested in them. That's a road that almost always (I suppose there are a few, rare exceptions) leads to disaster, whether you want to date her, or just get over her.
To be honest, I completely disagree. There is absolutely no way to have a health relationship with a girl and not have them be your friend too. I mean, think about it dude, why do you spend time with the girl, because the prospect of "getting some" or because you enjoy spending time with her? If the answer is the former, you really might as well just give up now and save yourself some heartache. The thing is though, if she's dating someone else, then she is doing so for some reason, and if you respect her enough to want to date her, you must respect her choice in this, so if you become too close for comfort for the boyfriend, back off, otherwise you're dissing her as much as you are him. Again remember, that if she's dating him, she's doing so for a reason, and if you have a real interest in dating her, you must respect those reasons, even if you disagree.
And though you come out of each gruelling bout,
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It’s the keeping-on-living that’s hard.

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Rising_Dusk
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Rising_Dusk » Wed Jan 21, 2009 9:35 am

I'm with Death here, honestly. I've been really good friends with Beth for years now, and she wasn't even remotely interested in me for 2 of those. I wouldn't have even a remote chance of being with her now if it weren't for the fact that I'd been there for her that long, regardless how suave and charming I can be.

It really depends on what you're after. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you damned well better be one of her best friends before making any attempt at being in a relationship with her. If all you want is some high school stint, then yeah, you can date her and then become her friend later if it suits you. I always recommend the former, sure it leads to some heartache inevitably, but the ends justify the means I'd like to think.

Shit, now I'm being optimistic, blah.
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andriejj
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by andriejj » Wed Jan 21, 2009 9:52 am

And go do it fast, in a university, all the girls are already taken ;D

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Rising_Dusk
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Rising_Dusk » Wed Jan 21, 2009 11:24 am

That is so totally the opposite of the truth. It really depends on what type of UNI you go to, if anything.
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Vchip
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Vchip » Wed Jan 21, 2009 12:48 pm

If you like a girl alot then you should have respect for the girl. She's in a relationship with another person for whatever reason, and you should respect her decision and space. Meaning you should respect her boyfriends space, even if it seems large.

Cecil
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Cecil » Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:37 pm

He's using her. A lot of people know this I'm sure and I know her best friend that lived near her for like, 3 years (about a 10 second walk away) and I dated her other neighbor-friend's sister. And I was huge friends with him for a year. So they all knew me and I was really popular among them and then it went to hell with her. Her BF treats her like shit uses her for sex and controls her a lot. She is a person who is easily controlled and lets herself be controlled to an extent. There's a lot to explain but pretty much the right thing to do would be to get her out of that situation.. but it's more that, she loves me and I think I might feel the same for her. But she's so controlled she'd have to ask to break up for example.

There was a point when I could have acted and got her but I f***ed up and I'm trying to get her back but there's not much I can do....
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andriejj
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by andriejj » Wed Jan 21, 2009 4:07 pm

Rising_Dusk wrote:That is so totally the opposite of the truth. It really depends on what type of UNI you go to, if anything.
Yeah, girls in universities teaching about rocketry and nuclear physics usually aren't. Psychology, on the other hand... ;)

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Crevax
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Crevax » Wed Jan 21, 2009 5:24 pm

Lots of single ladies at a University that teaches Nursing, Business, and some Technology.
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SetaSoujirou
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by SetaSoujirou » Wed Jan 21, 2009 7:15 pm

Rising_Dusk wrote:I'm with Death here, honestly. I've been really good friends with Beth for years now, and she wasn't even remotely interested in me for 2 of those. I wouldn't have even a remote chance of being with her now if it weren't for the fact that I'd been there for her that long, regardless how suave and charming I can be.

It really depends on what you're after. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you damned well better be one of her best friends before making any attempt at being in a relationship with her. If all you want is some high school stint, then yeah, you can date her and then become her friend later if it suits you. I always recommend the former, sure it leads to some heartache inevitably, but the ends justify the means I'd like to think.

Shit, now I'm being optimistic, blah.
I was totally my current girlfriend's best friend for the past year and a half before we got together, so yeah.
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Phox
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Phox » Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:31 pm

I've never seen that work out in my personal experience. At least not with someone who is a best friend. But alright, I'm willing to admit that I might be wrong.

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Oxygen
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Oxygen » Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:33 pm

Well, I did know jess for almost 4 years before telling her that I loved her, although my case is exceptional ( not as in amazing, but more as a simple exception; ) -- if only we had had the possibility to, say, live closer or even share an environment with eachother, then I'm certain we would've been really good friends, although we still are, at least, as much as the intrawebz allows one to be.

Also, concerning this, our relation is doing extremely well. With college, it's hard for us ( mostly her, though ) to talk, but she tries hard to do so, and really, if only we could meet, I know it'd go perhaps too well together. She shared with me quite alot now, such that she's not happy with her current relation, but keeps it going for a reason -- NOT SEX, of course -- which I will not get into. She caught me quite offguard and cried at some point, proving that she has confidence in me. She's been inviting me to come over alot lately, but alas, this is impossible to do with my tight premeds schedule.

If only we could get the computer out of the way, then we'd most certainly have an amazing relationship. I think that's what she's waiting for before doing any move towards me ( and I'm 100% understanding ), and so be it. And if it ends up not working as well as I'm hoping, well, I have an amazing friend anyway. Win-win.

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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by TheIrishPatriot » Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:58 pm

Well, to back up my statement (as though everybody else hasn't already :p), I did get my girlfriend through being a close friend for her, listening to her, and just waiting for her and her boyfriend to end. In fact, in GENERAL, it's good to be a close friend and listen to people's problems.
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Oxygen
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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Oxygen » Wed Jan 21, 2009 9:08 pm

TheIrishPatriot wrote:Well, to back up my statement (as though everybody else hasn't already :p), I did get my girlfriend through being a close friend for her, listening to her, and just waiting for her and her boyfriend to end. In fact, in GENERAL, it's good to be a close friend and listen to people's problems.
Very well said. I can honestly say, and even with only very little experience, that it's better to know people really well before trying to get in a love relation. I know a bunch of people that failed to follow this advice, and well, they end up bad. I mean, if you're going to spend alot of time doing all sort of weird stuff with someone ( KISSES? SEX?! WTF! ) you'd better know her ( him @ seta ) well.

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Re: My Girl Problems

Post by Cecil » Thu Feb 12, 2009 8:46 am

Okay, so I am talking a lot to the girl I might possibly love. I feel something...happiness. It's a whole new happiness, It's as if I've never been happy before. More details later, I just have to post this. :)
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