Little People

This is where all those jokes you're dying to stump us with should go. Got something funny you want to share with the rest of us? This is the place to put it.
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The Colonel
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Little People

Postby The Colonel » Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:16 am

Unwrap a Snickers bar and bite into it. You feel in your mouth a delightful mixture of chocolate, wafer, caramel, and something crunchy that you assume is peanuts. On the side of the wrapper there is a note, "May contain nuts."

Many items carry this mark, Snickers Bars, Peanut Packages, Can of Mixed Nuts, which causes many comedians to make short crack at how obvious this statement is. But I, however, find it much more chilling. I too would come to the common assumption that it was simply put there for lawsuit avoidance if it said, "Contains nuts," or, "Will contain nuts," however, this is not the case.

It does not state that it will in fact contain nuts, it says that it may contain nuts, that it might contain nuts, that it contains something else, with a chance of there being nuts. This got me to thinking, what else could it contain? I was lead to the belief that it was composed of the refuses of human society as a way to make more room and yet feed an ever growing population. I do not mean trash, but people. Criminals on death row that need to be taken care of early, the terminally ill, those trapped in a coma, the corpses of the recently dead, and those unruly teenagers that have gone missing but never found. Once obtained they a ground up, mixed with a hardening agent and a tannish dye, then poured into a mold.

This explains not only explains why nuts, that teachers claim to be of plant decent, are classified as meats in the food charts, but also why they can be found in such cheap abundance that they can be given away free on airplanes and thrown by unruly carnival crowds.

So next time you're belly hungers for a peanut butter sandwich, know what you are eating, and know the consequences of falling out of line or just being plain unlucky.

Spread the word.
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The Colonel
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Re: Little People

Postby The Colonel » Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:19 am

I was tempted to place this in Off Topic or Social Interactions for effect, but that would be wrong.

Kudos to those who got the old reference!
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Hell_Tempest
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Re: Little People

Postby Hell_Tempest » Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:40 pm

That was so lolage.
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Psiclone
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Re: Little People

Postby Psiclone » Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:46 pm

I'm still eating peanut butter sandwiches. You can't kill that kind of commitment.
Intellectuals are like the Mafia; they only kill their own.
-Woody Allen -

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Purple Drake
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Re: Little People

Postby Purple Drake » Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:08 am

...My mouth feels dirty :shock:
Not really, thankfully i gave up candy bars a year ago after learning they are 50% preservatives.
Guess i know what the other 50 is now...
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The Colonel
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Re: Little People

Postby The Colonel » Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:11 am

Yeah, I've given up candy bars and such as well, I'm more of a Soylent kind'a man my self.
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Hell_Tempest
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Re: Little People

Postby Hell_Tempest » Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:30 am

Cookies.
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Daryll-The-Damned
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Re: Little People

Postby Daryll-The-Damned » Sun Aug 17, 2008 10:19 am

But! Don't you know.... SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE?!?

Yeah just had to...
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Hell_Tempest
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Re: Little People

Postby Hell_Tempest » Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:23 am

But! Don't you know....KEWKIES!!!
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Purple Drake
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Re: Little People

Postby Purple Drake » Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:55 pm

Snickers is from mean, snickering people.
:o
I no longer use this profile to post anymore, so any PMs or replies to topics I've posted in directed at me, I may not read.

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Hell_Tempest
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Re: Little People

Postby Hell_Tempest » Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:07 pm

Kewkies are from mean, kewky people.
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Re: Little People

Postby Purple Drake » Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:15 pm

Three musketeers are from three diferent prisoners.
I no longer use this profile to post anymore, so any PMs or replies to topics I've posted in directed at me, I may not read.

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Hell_Tempest
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Re: Little People

Postby Hell_Tempest » Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:27 pm

Three kewkies are from three different batches of dough.
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Re: Little People

Postby Daryll-The-Damned » Sun Aug 17, 2008 4:11 pm

Ok, stop encouraging Hell to spam, Drake. Yer new here, so you don't know that Hell is the resident guy who will spam on any, and I mean any, excuse.
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Re: Little People

Postby Purple Drake » Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:21 pm

Daryll-The-Damned wrote:Ok, stop encouraging Hell to spam, Drake. Yer new here, so you don't know that Hell is the resident guy who will spam on any, and I mean any, excuse.

Note taken.
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