Little People
Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:16 am
Unwrap a Snickers bar and bite into it. You feel in your mouth a delightful mixture of chocolate, wafer, caramel, and something crunchy that you assume is peanuts. On the side of the wrapper there is a note, "May contain nuts."
Many items carry this mark, Snickers Bars, Peanut Packages, Can of Mixed Nuts, which causes many comedians to make short crack at how obvious this statement is. But I, however, find it much more chilling. I too would come to the common assumption that it was simply put there for lawsuit avoidance if it said, "Contains nuts," or, "Will contain nuts," however, this is not the case.
It does not state that it will in fact contain nuts, it says that it may contain nuts, that it might contain nuts, that it contains something else, with a chance of there being nuts. This got me to thinking, what else could it contain? I was lead to the belief that it was composed of the refuses of human society as a way to make more room and yet feed an ever growing population. I do not mean trash, but people. Criminals on death row that need to be taken care of early, the terminally ill, those trapped in a coma, the corpses of the recently dead, and those unruly teenagers that have gone missing but never found. Once obtained they a ground up, mixed with a hardening agent and a tannish dye, then poured into a mold.
This explains not only explains why nuts, that teachers claim to be of plant decent, are classified as meats in the food charts, but also why they can be found in such cheap abundance that they can be given away free on airplanes and thrown by unruly carnival crowds.
So next time you're belly hungers for a peanut butter sandwich, know what you are eating, and know the consequences of falling out of line or just being plain unlucky.
Spread the word.
Many items carry this mark, Snickers Bars, Peanut Packages, Can of Mixed Nuts, which causes many comedians to make short crack at how obvious this statement is. But I, however, find it much more chilling. I too would come to the common assumption that it was simply put there for lawsuit avoidance if it said, "Contains nuts," or, "Will contain nuts," however, this is not the case.
It does not state that it will in fact contain nuts, it says that it may contain nuts, that it might contain nuts, that it contains something else, with a chance of there being nuts. This got me to thinking, what else could it contain? I was lead to the belief that it was composed of the refuses of human society as a way to make more room and yet feed an ever growing population. I do not mean trash, but people. Criminals on death row that need to be taken care of early, the terminally ill, those trapped in a coma, the corpses of the recently dead, and those unruly teenagers that have gone missing but never found. Once obtained they a ground up, mixed with a hardening agent and a tannish dye, then poured into a mold.
This explains not only explains why nuts, that teachers claim to be of plant decent, are classified as meats in the food charts, but also why they can be found in such cheap abundance that they can be given away free on airplanes and thrown by unruly carnival crowds.
So next time you're belly hungers for a peanut butter sandwich, know what you are eating, and know the consequences of falling out of line or just being plain unlucky.
Spread the word.