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Little People

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:16 am
by The Colonel
Unwrap a Snickers bar and bite into it. You feel in your mouth a delightful mixture of chocolate, wafer, caramel, and something crunchy that you assume is peanuts. On the side of the wrapper there is a note, "May contain nuts."

Many items carry this mark, Snickers Bars, Peanut Packages, Can of Mixed Nuts, which causes many comedians to make short crack at how obvious this statement is. But I, however, find it much more chilling. I too would come to the common assumption that it was simply put there for lawsuit avoidance if it said, "Contains nuts," or, "Will contain nuts," however, this is not the case.

It does not state that it will in fact contain nuts, it says that it may contain nuts, that it might contain nuts, that it contains something else, with a chance of there being nuts. This got me to thinking, what else could it contain? I was lead to the belief that it was composed of the refuses of human society as a way to make more room and yet feed an ever growing population. I do not mean trash, but people. Criminals on death row that need to be taken care of early, the terminally ill, those trapped in a coma, the corpses of the recently dead, and those unruly teenagers that have gone missing but never found. Once obtained they a ground up, mixed with a hardening agent and a tannish dye, then poured into a mold.

This explains not only explains why nuts, that teachers claim to be of plant decent, are classified as meats in the food charts, but also why they can be found in such cheap abundance that they can be given away free on airplanes and thrown by unruly carnival crowds.

So next time you're belly hungers for a peanut butter sandwich, know what you are eating, and know the consequences of falling out of line or just being plain unlucky.

Spread the word.

Re: Little People

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:19 am
by The Colonel
I was tempted to place this in Off Topic or Social Interactions for effect, but that would be wrong.

Kudos to those who got the old reference!

Re: Little People

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:40 pm
by Hell_Tempest
That was so lolage.

Re: Little People

Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:46 pm
by Psiclone
I'm still eating peanut butter sandwiches. You can't kill that kind of commitment.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:08 am
by Purple Drake
...My mouth feels dirty :shock:
Not really, thankfully i gave up candy bars a year ago after learning they are 50% preservatives.
Guess i know what the other 50 is now...

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:11 am
by The Colonel
Yeah, I've given up candy bars and such as well, I'm more of a Soylent kind'a man my self.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:30 am
by Hell_Tempest
Cookies.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 10:19 am
by Daryll-The-Damned
But! Don't you know.... SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE?!?

Yeah just had to...

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:23 am
by Hell_Tempest
But! Don't you know....KEWKIES!!!

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:55 pm
by Purple Drake
Snickers is from mean, snickering people.
:o

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:07 pm
by Hell_Tempest
Kewkies are from mean, kewky people.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:15 pm
by Purple Drake
Three musketeers are from three diferent prisoners.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:27 pm
by Hell_Tempest
Three kewkies are from three different batches of dough.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 4:11 pm
by Daryll-The-Damned
Ok, stop encouraging Hell to spam, Drake. Yer new here, so you don't know that Hell is the resident guy who will spam on any, and I mean any, excuse.

Re: Little People

Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:21 pm
by Purple Drake
Daryll-The-Damned wrote:Ok, stop encouraging Hell to spam, Drake. Yer new here, so you don't know that Hell is the resident guy who will spam on any, and I mean any, excuse.
Note taken.